Rituals
by Crystalazer
Summary: Rituals are never to be broken, especially if they should have never existed in the first place. MORE drabbles of love and angst!
1. Reluctance

**Rituals: More Drabbles From the Daring Mind of Crystalazer **

**Reluctance  
adj. _unwilling_  
**

There's no such thing as an easy killing. Taking a life, human or otherwise, is never easy. That's why, when she plants a kunai deep in an opponent's chest, she slashes his throat to make sure he is truly dead because the only thing crueler than killing a man is leaving him only half-dead.

He watches from afar as she does this, being the one who was not assigned to engage the enemy directly, but to provide back-up in case the attack got out of hand. He knows why the Hokage assigned him this position; it was to be her first kill as ANBU and even though a mask covers her face, he would know from anywhere that it was her. No one moved like her, turned her head to look at him the way that she did. And when she does, looking up from the body of the dead missing-nin to where he is perched on the highest branch of a nearby birch tree, he can see clearly her eyes behind the mask, asking him why she did what she just did. It is the same look he gives himself every day when he looks into his bathroom mirror and sometimes, he feels like he's hiding himself behind a mask too.

That night, she tries to make herself as small as possible as she lays against his side, and he knows that it's to prove to herself that she is not just a murderer, that there is more than death that has built a shroud around her. It is for this same reason that he wraps his arms around her now and feels her heartbeat against his hands, slow and steady, but proof that she is still alive.

**- o –**

WTFyay. Taking a break from my other fanfic to bring you the next installment of "Crys-Does-the-Ananymous-Ninja**-**Angst-Love-Thing," also known as "Rituals." This one'll probably end up being longer than "Universal" because there are a lot more "R" words in the world than "U" words. Well...I'll stop it with the author's notes now. See you at the end of the series!

_Love it? Hate it? I'll never know unless you **review!**_


	2. Repeat

**Rituals: More Drabbles From the Daring Mind of Crystalazer**

**Repeat  
verb. _to recite from memory_  
**

She is training this morning.

_Strike once, strike twice, strike thrice, finish up and reform._

It was with this formation that she defeated him, no, _destroyed_ him, so many years ago. She relives that moment every minute of every day, that split-second in which his eyes connected with hers as she hurled him away. He flew backwards and off the edge of the cliff onto the sharp rocks below. The land they had fought on had, once upon a time ago, been the bed of the biggest waterfall in Fire Country. Six generations before theirs however, it had dried up for reasons unknown (some said it was because of the massive battle between the Shodaime Hokage and the Nidaime Mizukage over the territory of where Konoha stood today) and was now a barren wasteland ending in a cliff that plummeted one-hundred and eighty feet to the now dried-up riverbed where the thousands of gallons of water traveled on its way past Konoha to the eastern sea.

It was impossible for him to survive the fall, unprotected and in such a weakened state as he was in. She knew fully that he could have prevented the attack by side-stepping three inches and then catching her in the chest with his arm, shocking her heart into stopping for a few moments and ensuring him the victory. But he didn't and instead, allowed her to make contact and in doing so, deliver the killing blow.

It had all been a test. She had done it to save him from the pain he was enduring because no matter how much he had changed, how he was…_not himself _any longer, his soul still remained within him, his soul begging for deliverance, and it was his soul that she loved. He had done it to see if she could truly kill her heart and kill him because now, she was the only thing standing in his way from complete and utter destruction. And in killing him, she was killing _him. _He knew she would not have done it and hated her weakness. She knew she would and she hated her weakness.

And every morning that she could not forgive herself, she performed that same formation until her knuckles ached and her head was sent reeling. It was her punishment to herself for doing the right thing and not being selfish enough.

**- o –**


	3. Reminisce

**Rituals: More Drabbles From the Daring Mind of Crystalazer**

**Reminisce  
_ verb. _**_to recall past experiences, events, etc._

_For someone who was so rough around the edges, he was the one who finally taught her to open up and appreciate the finer details of life._

_"See this?" It was a small white flower that he held out to her, pinched between his thumb and index finger. "Every flower of this variety has exactly five petals." She nodded, not sure what he was getting at, but not wanting to be rude, especially since he looked particularly excited about his find._

_"I heard when I was a kid that the five petals each represent a virtue one looks for in a friend." He screwed up his eyes in concentration as he recited. "Honesty, Courage, Empathy, Ambition, and Generosity."_

_She touched his arm and smiled gently. Seeing her smile made him smile, especially because she didn't smile much anymore. _

_"And do you know what else?" He asked, and she shook her head. "Close your eyes and hold still."_

_With a flourish, he brushed her hair gently and tucked the flower behind her ear. "These flowers are really rare around here. They say that if you find one and give it to the person you care about most of all, they'll be by your side for the rest of your life."_

_She opened her eyes and looked up at him, wiping the smudge of dirt around his left cheek away with her thumb shyly, but affectionately. "You don't need to give me flowers to stay with me." Suddenly, she raised herself on her toes and kissed his other cheek. "I want to be by your side always."_

His teeth were chattering and his breathe disappeared into the cold January air as he put his hand on the cold white stone, as if searching for familiar warmth, warmth he would never touch again. Giving it one last hard look, he turned and walked towards home, hands shoved in his pockets. A crumpled white flower remained on the pale marble surface for a fleeting moment before being carried away by the wind that tore its five white petals asunder.

**-o-**


	4. Regression

**Regression  
noun. **_**the act of going back to a previous place or state; return or reversion.**_

Maybe that was how time goes by.

Quickly, without a sound, until you notice it already disappearing into the distance, flying too fast and too far to grasp and reel back in, to reclaim and hold and to spin out again slowly. To live without losing yourself again.

Or perhaps it moves not at all. And it is you going backwards.

However time moves, you're already too late. His hand slips away. Or is it yours?

There are a million different ways you could have lived without looking back to the past. Or have you already seen the future? Is that why neither you nor time passes? Is that why he is looking at you like this? Is that why you can't see him?

_Too late, too late_. A voice whispers. _It is lost_.

Yes. Yes. Your conscience knows it now. His mouth opens. Your fingers reach up of their own accord and touch his lips. They close again, tentative. Something warm on the side of his mouth.

_Blood, _your fingers tell you.

_His?_ No.

_Yours._

Vaguely, you want to care, but you are now living in reverse. Everything you've learned over the years, all the skills and the knowledge, all gone. Gone. Gone.

Warm.

…Time goes by. Too late, too late. Beyond the horizon.

**- o - **

...I know I don't like doing Authors Notes, especially in the middle of a series like this, but in this case, I feel I have to. Um...hi there. xD It's been almost a year since I've updated, well, anything. I don't want this to become a sign that I'm going to start writing fanfiction again, because to be perfectly honest, I'm probably not, but I was looking through some of my old work and I was shocked to find out that I wrote and did not post this. I'm not surprised. It's really bad. But anyway, I thought I'd just get this up. It's extremely stilted and fragmented, because I imagine that when you're dying and in great pain, it's hard to think in complete statements. I may or may not continue writing from now on, but if I do, it probably won't be for Naruto. I'm so truly sorry, but my love for this fandom has recently subdued somewhat. I'll never stop loving it completely, but there are some other things that have been worming their way into my heart lately. I hope you understand, and I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Until next we meet Annay


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